“My God and I”

“Last night I died” is the beginning of a good book on grief, death and dying encountered in a Pastoral Care course at Southwestern Seminary. Willing to top that for a testimony to the grace of God and to Rehab and other Medical personnel who refused to give up on this 76 year old tennis player, I died 6 times, three on the tennis court at McClennan Tennis center, close to the Seminary, and three in the ambulance on the way to John Peter Smith ER. That was four years ago, and the last visit with the cardiologist showed a normal EKG.
What if any of those people had given up on reverence for life and me from Jim who administered CPR on the tennis court so well as to break ribs, to the ambulance attendants to the ER doctor, to the Heart Surgeon, to Global Rehab, to Burleson Rehab, and Nike who cared for us. However this is about “My God and I”, realizing of course that this is somewhat poetic in that the God of the Universe, the Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Creator of all humanity is given the majority credit for the passing from dying 6 times to a normal EKG in 4 years. Oh, and the little group of nurses, doctors, and others participating in the tennis drills at McClennan that prayer while Jim worked should be added since they obviously had faith that God’s grace could intervene through prayer. Yes, and the family that prayed, especially my wife who during her recent palliative and hospice care repeated about dying that “it is not up to me”, a testimony of faith in God, even as she has done for years through many illnesses and 40 years of Nursing.

My God and I go in the field together;
We walk and talk as good friends should and do;
We clasp our hands, our voices ring with laughter;
My God and I walk through the meadow’s hue.
We clasp our hands, our voices ring with laughter;
My God and I walk through the meadow’s hue.

Some heart experts had their doubts on what God could and would do in a reverence for life, what Ron Panzer of the Hospice Patients Alliance would call “human pride” in the fatal flaw of medical personnel {some that must go by the guidelines of the American Heart Institute} like all humanity of taking credit to exclude a God that they really do not believe much. The marvelous heart surgeon at John Peter Smith did not do that, and when on the first visit with him after the quadruiple heart bypass and when I thanked him heartily, said something to the effect that it wasn’t me, and pointed above. What Ron Panzer said about pride in palliative and hospice care–

But proud man is a thief and unjust in what he does, because he denies others what they need. He steals what is due God and takes it for himself. Man refuses to give God the adoration and reverence He deserves and places faith in the lies that lead man to believe there is a good way that is not part of God’s will (Proverbs 14:12). How can we understand such a terrible blunder?
Several cardiologists and others wanted to insert a defibrillator during the early stages of rehab, however adjusted from the norm apart from God’s grace when the blood flow increased in the first year and then again the second year to above the American Heart Association’s standard for a triple chamber that would monitor remotely by telemetry, that would shock the heart when necessary albeit bring one to their knees, and in my personal opinion decrease the quality of life. Since my God and I walk together, another way to say, there is assurance that the place where God lives and reigns is my eternal home, both CPR and the gadget implant was turned down. It must be admitted that an exceptional and practical and experienced Cardiologist {the same that had shown us previously that my wife almost 9 years after open heart displayed the curative powers of the human body itself that God designed, in that little arteries of blood flow grew around the heart to increase blood flow} at the Cardiac Hospital in Lubbock recommended that coreg in some cases does increase blood flow, and online some real cases were recorded how that with good exercise, low salt, and a good food management routine blood flow could be increased.

Trying to play God should be minimized is what Ron repeats, and in your own mind if not in your speech and actions acknowledge that He above all others is in control. It can be added, for His own children God is working out something good for that patient which is not obvious to us; and that it is in His own good time.

The end here, no pun intended, should be with a quote from Orr in his book “I died last night”:

“There are those who think it will be reincarnated, while others believe it will be absorbed into the universe. Still some say nothing at all will happen, or worse, that the soul will burn up or dissolve. If you believe in Jesus Christ, however, you know that there are only two possible destinations for your soul, should you die right now.”

Restoring Reverence for Life: Palliative/Hospice

And download a sample of I DIED LAST NIGHT at


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